Are You Tour Worthy?

Where the hell are we?

Where the hell are we?

We all have moments of stupidity like pushing on the out door to enter a store, but this post is for those who are tortured by Neanderthal behavior of tour group members whose personal quirks mar a trip. Thanks to the creativity of my tour friends Victoria, Jane, Carol, and Shirley, I am offering this assessment for determining if you will be an asset to a tour group or if you will evoke eye rolling and mumbled profanities.
The assessment tests three areas of your travel abilities… cognitive, social, and physical. Answer the questions below to find out if you are tour worthy or if you will be directed to other tour companies so my friends and I can travel with sanity.

Are You Tour Worthy?
1. What animal are you most like…a. cat, b. sloth, c. jaguar, d. sheep.
2. When you are get on an elevator, how long does it take to realize you’re not going anywhere…a. immediately, b. 2 to 3 seconds, c. until someone in the back asks if anyone has pressed the button, d. what’s an elevator?
3. How often do you smile? a. often, b. if someone tickles me, c. never, it will stretch my face lift.
4. My friends would describe me … a. as a barrel of fun, b. like a pickle in vinegar, c. thoughtful, d. people call me ‘Flat Line’.
5. My hearing is…a. fine, b. I have hearing aids that work, c. I don’t have to listen to the tour guide because everyone is happy to repeat what she said, d. my nickname is “Huh?”
6. When crossing a street do I …a. look both ways, b. stand just a tad beyond the sidewalk into the street, c. what the hell, traffic is supposed to stop for me.
7. As a tourist I dress…a. like a devil in Prada, b. in clean clothes most everyday, c. people call me ‘Spot’, d. in my favorite T-shirt that says “Speak English, Dimwit.”
8. When interacting with the other travelers…a. people are blessed with my presence, b. I like to hear what people have done and where they’ve travelled, c. I immediately hand out business cards with exaggerated career descriptions so people know they are traveling with someone important, d. are there other people on the trip?
9. How is my health? a. after a dinner of rice and beans I can clear a room in 30 seconds b. I have a bad cold/cold sore/flu but double dipping in the taco sauce is OK because tomatoes kill bacteria c. I cover coughs and sneezes.
10. When visiting churches and synagogues a. I like to point out the breasts on the statues of angels, b. I talk loudly because the acoustics are so bad, c. I am respectful of the religious atmosphere, d. my favorite comment for beautiful religious icons is “holy shit, that’s cool.”
11. On moving walkways a. I stand on the left, b. I wait 3 minutes to get on to be sure I have my balance, c. I stand on the right and walk on the left, d. I do like the truckers do, keep in the middle so people have to slow down and smell the roses.

Answers (give yourself 1 point for each correct answer):
1.d Yes, in travel groups, it’s better to be a follower

2.a  Duh!


4.a or c (If your answer is ‘d’ you might consider therapy)


6.a (subtract 1 for b)

7.b (if ‘c’ is your answer, look at the back of your pants)



10.c (subtract 2 for d)

11.c .
10-11 You can travel with us
9-8 Read about travel etiquette
7 or lower Please click on the link for travel agencies we WON’T be using.


About Patti Albaugh

I grew up in Mount Vernon, Ohio, and graduated from Mount Vernon High School in 1965. I have a Bachelor's Degree from Mount Vernon Nazarene University and a Ph.D. from The Ohio State University. I am an Emeritus Professor at Otterbein University. In addition to writing creative nonfiction and fiction, I like bridge, genealogy, gardening, travel and Mah Jjong. I currently live in Tucson, Arizona, with my dog Tonto. I am the proud parent of children Justin and Amy and the proud grandmother (NANA) of granddaughters Katherine and Zoe.
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1 Response to Are You Tour Worthy?

  1. I knew because I’ve been pushed to the side!

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